The problems with online dating

This story is basically in two parts

The first is all about online dating …..
The second part is about my divorce from my Filipino wife and how I met my current Thai wife Jiya. Both were via the online dating system described below.


“Online dating is so acceptable now that one of 8 marriages originates online. Yet there are risks. Because of online anonymity, over 50% of dating profiles are false and being used for scams, cons, and crimes done in the name of love”.
Excerpt from

So you have created your profile and joined a couple of dating sites and the girls are sending you messages of interest and you are scanning the 10,000’s of profiles and saving your favourites then making your short list. 

To join the online dating websites is free but to send or receive messages you do have to join (about £10 – £15 per month). The difference between the UK dating sites and the Thai / Filipino dating sites is simple….

With the UK websites, you will probably get a ZERO response.
But with the Asian websites you can get up to 10 girls per day sending you their interest.

So what is the down side of getting all these girls messaging you?

1. Firstly, you will be spoilt for choice and they will be from all over the Philippines, Thailand or whatever country you target. You may think that going out there, and visiting them all, is an option but to be honest, it would be totally impractical, to try to visit several places and see 10 – 20 + girls within a few weeks and you would not have the time to see or spend any quality time with any of the girls on your short list.

2. People are never the same in the flesh as they look in their photos and their personalities can also be totally different from the emails they have been sending you. Many girls (and guys) use their best photos, usually several years old and they do not look anything like they did when the photos were taken.

3. Virtually all the girls are messaging and these days web-caming  with loads guys at the same time…. They are all looking for the serious guy who will go out and meet them or start sending money. And unfortunately many of them will marry virtually anyone to escape their present situation.

That’s a big mistake guys….. It is better to stay single than be in a shit relationship with a woman that only sees you as an ATM machine. If there is no love or connection between you… then you are in for a really bad ride.

I have seen so many relationships fail because the GUY falls madly in love with the girl but the girl is simply marrying the guy to get into the UK or whatever Country you are living in, so she can work and send money home or get you to be the cash cow and support her family.

The Bar Girl Syndrome:

So many guys fall in love with a “bar girl” and think… that she loves him and she is different and that he wants to give her a better life….

DON’T do it guys.

“You can take a girl out of the bar – but you can never take the bar out of the girl”

Once a bar girl –  always a bar girl.

If you have read the FREE E book “private dancer” that I can email you or you can download here > private-dancer , you should understand.

Also read my next post tomorrow is a reprint of a very good article I came across titled “Men Who Fall In Love With Thai Hookers Are Clinically Sick”

The internet cafes in Thailand and the Philippines are full with girls emailing 10 – 20 guys each at a time, telling them “ALL” how much she loves them and how she cannot wait for him to come and see her / marry her. There are even (Farang)  guys living in Thailand that, write the long love letters (for a small fee)!

There are also very smart girls who work the internet dating sites as a very profitable business. (See my post from yesterday, link below) 

Educated Thai girl rips off Swedish guy

Many of these girls have absolutely NO INTENTION of marriage, all they do is play on the feelings and loneliness of single guys and after a few emails start to ask for money and you cannot believe the massive load of crazy excuses. 

Do you know, that a girl can make £100’s per week from just a few lonely guys, all sending here money every month! And all thinking, they are the only one she is writing to. If she had a normal job, she would be extremely lucky to make £100 – 200 per month…!!! So why would she go to work when she can have a good life with loads of money just by emailing lonely guys for an hour or so every week.


To get a job in a 7 Eleven convenience store, they get hundreds if not thousands of applications and a girlfriend I had once, who applied to 7 Eleven, was even asked, what “Degree she had from University”! I believe the wages at a 7 Eleven is 5000 – 7000 Baht per month.

My wife worked at a bank and has a degree in Accountancy – 20,000 Baht per month. She also worked at the local government offices and was only earning 7000 Baht per month (but working for the government, police, or school teachers etc. they get free hospital treatment and a pension, if they work for the amount of years required) I believe it is about 10,000 per month now.

People (men ad women) who work on the building sites and some do all kinds of stuff like bricklaying, rendering  and even welding and concrete work as well as the general labouring, only earn 300 Baht PER DAY. (7 days x 300 = 2100 baht per week)

So are you getting the picture now, of WHY… the girls prefer to “work the internet dating sites? Many have very little education, so getting a normal job, is out of the question. Getting a University degree is also out of the question as their families are poor, and even those who do graduate at age 25 +, find that there are 100’s of applicants for most jobs.

Take a look at this, The University selection exam – 35,000 applicants!
Full article here Bangkok Post


However, for all the brave guys who want to come to Thailand or wherever and do it alone…. Read on…. 

The first thing to do it is pick a big city like Chiang Mai, Phuket or Bangkok in Thailand. Or Cebu, in the Philippines and start creating your short list but you have to physically go there for a few weeks and meet them in person. This is how I found my own Filipino wife… and the method works very well.

A quick side note on another scam and why you MUST go meet them ASAP:

I was messaging a really nice girl in the Philippines for months, and yes she started asking for money etc. but I always declined by saying I need to meet her first. But when when I told her, I had booked my flight and was coming to meet her, the messages stopped! When I got there, I tried to contact her again but her profile and email address had all been deleted. I later found out about the “Nigerian scam” . They get a beautiful girls picture(s) and create a profile on a Filipino (or other Country) dating website. You think you are communicating with the girl in the picture, they tell you they don’t have a webcam and they are living in a small village etc. But in reality you are chatting with a Nigerian scammer.

Once there, you log into one of the websites like Thai or Thai or Filipino and contact all the girls you are interested in, (in that city, ie. Cebu) and tell them you are coming soon or are actually there in person and that you have come to look for a serious relationship and would like to meet them for a coffee.

Ask for their phone number and get a cheap SIM card while out there, so you can call or message each other, and set up meetings with them. In my experience, you have to physically meet at least 10 – 20 girls to find one that you really click with. 

I set up meetings at a coffee shop in a big plaza and arranged about 6 appointments per day (one every hour). They come meet you and you have a coffee and a chat. (limit each meeting to a maximum of 30 minutes) After a few days or about a week of doing this you will have a short list of 2 or 3 girls you really like and then you can arrange to see them again but this time for a longer time (go to the movies or sightseeing). The way to know if the girl is good (ie. not a bar girl) is that she will have friends or a family member with her when she meets you, they are still into the old ways in the Philippines (not so in Thailand).

When you think you have found the one! and I assure you….. you will know…. You will want to spend as much time as possible with her. A trip of a month or more would be best but you will need at least a couple of weeks with her.

However, remember there are still a lot of SCAMS and CONS,
So you should never start sending money over when you return home.

Also there are some dangerous games some girls play, and it is quite common to hear of a foreigner getting mugged in a taxi (cos the girl set you up etc.) Drugs on her nipples and you wake up in the morning with your money, passport and mobile phone stolen. Yes that happened to me in Bangkok one night and I woke up the next day in a daze and was out of it for about 3 days. Phone and money gone… but here is the kicker.. My daughter phoned me a few days later from the UK and told me her friends brother was found dead in a hotel room in Bangkok. He was drugged, just like me… but luckily I woke up. She had no idea it had also happened to me. 

Avoid or Don’t go to Manila, in the Philippines. It’s a horrible place and very dangerous.

When I found my wife, I had interviewed about 12 girls and I had a really good connection with her… She was texting me everyday and we got on really well. I took her to Boracay (Best holiday Island in the Philippines) for a week. Then she told me, she had to go home to her parents, because she had lied to them about coming away with me. She had told them she was visiting a friend up country.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, I sent her home on the boat and thought that was the end of the relationship but, she told her parents about me and asked if she could bring them back to Boracay with her for a few days so they could meet me. I agreed and they all arrived a couple of days later on the big overnight Ferry. They then went back to Cebu and my girlfriend and I, stayed together in a villa that I had rented for 2 months, to see how we got on etc. Then while we were there, we booked her appointment at the British Embassy for her Fiancee visa, the appointment date was 2 days before I had to fly home to the UK!  I could not believe she was in and out within 30 mins, she passed the interview and even more surprisingly, when we went to the airline office to see if there were any seats left on my Qatar airways flight departing the next day…… They only had one seat left ! and she flew back to the UK with me. (I was there for 3 months in total). 

We were together for 5 years and the first 4 years were great, so what went wrong?

Well, I was 50 and she was 25 and the problem with most girls under 30, especially if they have not had any children yet, is that they ALL change at about the 30 year mark (Statistics show that most people get married or divorced between the ages of 29 and 32) and girls start wanting to have children (especially Filipinos). So in year 5 of our relationship, she had changed and we were becoming more distant and not doing anything together anymore. She ended up having an affair with her “driving instructor”, so I kicked her out and told her to go live with him. She then got pregnant and blah blah blah…. 

Lots more to this story, like the fact that, during the 4 really good years we were together, I had purchased via stage payments over a year, an off-plan, 4 levels, hillside house with swimming pool, overlooking the Cebu coastline from a developer.  I had put all my savings, £10,000, and another £10,000 on credit cards for the deposit, worked like a dog for 5 years to pay the rest of the balance (£35,000) and clear the £10,000’s I put on my credit cards as we had committed to pay by a certain date.

Then the developer tries to con us by saying, “the builder had made a mistake and the top two floors that had been completed, were much bigger than the blueprints”. He said it would cost an extra 1.5 million pesos to complete the house!!!  (about £25 – 30,000) I refused but there was nothing we could do as we had signed a contract for so many sq metres.

So we ended up with a half finished house and then… the developer dies! And we find out, he did not even have planning permission, he had taken all our money, the house remained half built and we had no legal paperwork for the house. 

After we separated, I held off divorce for as long as possible (2 years), because I felt that I would lose absolutely everything, but in the mean time I had met, Jiya, my current Thai wife.  We have been happily married now for 8 years and known each other for 10 years. I met Jiya via the same internet dating system as described above but with one major difference. When I came to Thailand to meet the 10 or 12 girls I had on my short list. Jiya was at the top of my list as we had been communicating daily, for a couple of months. She worked in a local government office and was university educated with a degree in accounting.

Long story short, I met Jiya first, at the airport in Khon Kaen and I stayed in the Taksila hotel in Maha Sarakham for the whole 3 weeks, because we hit it off immediately. She could not even take time off work, so I was alone all day long, wandering around the “very boring” city and only saw her in the mornings and after 5 pm, after she had to go home, feed her son and buy food at the market for her family then she rushed to see me at the hotel.  I was so happy that I had met a really nice, beautiful and honest Thai girl, I never even went to meet any of the others on my list.

So far so good and 10 years down the road, we still never argue or have any of the problems I used to have in my 3 previous marriages and several long term relationships. 

So to finish off the Philippines house and Relationship story

I  got divorced from my Filipino wife, as Jiya and I wanted to get married and we needed to get a Fiancee visa for Jiya to come to live with me in the UK. 

I tried to sell the half finished house for 4 years….. and to be honest, I thought, I had lost everything, as my Filipino ex-wife had become more and more distant and had even moved home (with the driving instructor boyfriend) in the UK and would not even tell me where she lived…. ! All I had, was her phone number and email address and we used to have screaming matches down the phone because she would not help me in any way to sell the house in the Philippines. 

It gets worse, because her sister and her boyfriend and their child were living in and supposedly, looking after the house (we paid them a small wage). But they split up and she and the child moved out.  We let the boyfriend stay in the house to look after it, as they seemed like they might get back together, but a month later, I hear the boyfriend has sold everything in the house, furniture, electrical appliances in fact everything that could be sold (even the swimming pool pump) and done a runner. 

Fast forward 4 years… we get an offer !!!!

Eventually, after 4 years, (I have lost count of how many viewings) and I take my hat off to the real estate agent in Cebu who stood by me and helped me (as many real estate agents dropped me, when they found out we had no planing permission for the house). 

Apparently, some rich Filipino guy, had his eye the house for years and knew the developer had died, and knew we had no planning permission etc. But he had contacts in the government planning office. He said he could get the required papers, but it would cost quite a bit in bribes !! He offered us £80,000 – The house valuation if it was finished and had the papers was £200,000.

My ex started screaming about, it was not enough….. and she did not want to accept the offer. I was at the stage where I wanted to “burn it to the ground or pay someone to bulldoze it down the hillside”, to stop her getting her hands on it. Then I managed to get her to understand, if we did not sell now, she would lose it all to the government, because no taxes had been paid for 5 years and they were well aware of the house and she would lose everything. This  scared her to death as she had no way of paying any back taxes or finishing the house or paying big bribes. 

We accepted the offer, Jiya and I flew to the Philippines to sign the papers and complete the deal. I had to give my ex £40,000 and I transferred the other £40k to my account in Thailand.








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